What Does It Mean to Compare Others’ Suffering to Your Own?
You’ve probably read about the concept of “comparative suffering” before
or even participated in it in some form without realizing it. It’s
always a topic worth exploring and digging into more. Comparative
suffering is the act of comparing someone else’s pain to your own.
Sometimes we do it unconsciously. It means we are judging our own
suffering based on what someone else is going through.
Comparative suffering works both ways. It’s when a friend tells you about the awful thing that just happened to them and you manage to minimize it by either thinking or saying it’s not as bad as what happened to you. It’s also when you beat yourself up for thinking you have it rough right now when there are so many other people going through much worse. It’s judging and ranking pain—and it’s a losing game.
Keep Your Struggles in Perspective
Even when certain aspects of life seem to be crumbling down around you, you can rest in the knowledge that you will, in fact, get through it. You may have a renewed sense of hope, even if life never goes back to the way it was “before”—and sometimes that’s a good thing. There’s not a straight trajectory to get from point A to point B. Seeking outside help from a mental health professional, lifestyle coach, or even confiding in friends or sharing your voice through blogging may help.
Own Your Feelings
Yes, things can always be worse for you and others do go through worse. But that doesn’t mean your feelings are invalid. Feeling bad about feeling bad doesn’t do you—or anyone else for that matter—any good. When we invalidate our own suffering, we are saying our pain isn’t as important. This causes shame, which causes more suffering. Instead, hold space for your feelings and express them. Let yourself grieve and feel losses. Give a voice to it, otherwise it will become too overwhelming. Visit a personal growth platform and learn what others have to say. Accept and be open to help.
Let Others Express Themselves Too
If you have the ability to let yourself feel and express your pain, which is the goal, you can also have grace for others who are struggling even if you don’t understand what they are experiencing. You can give empathy to others by listening and not judging. There’s plenty of empathy and compassion to go around, and you don’t need to limit it. Create that inner dialogue. We all need to be kinder to ourselves and others in the process. After all, no two journeys are ever the same.
Nobody comes out on top when they engage in the game of comparative suffering. You don’t want to feel like you’re the one suffering the most, because it can make you shut yourself off or make you bitter. It also may anger you that other people, who in your eyes, are suffering less, voice their suffering.
That said, you also don’t have to pretend that you aren’t having struggles, but it also never hurts to count your blessings as well. Because you likely, deep inside, do know how much you have to be thankful for, though we could all use reminders sometimes. Instead, hold space for all—including yourself—and have the grace to look inside and seek the guidance you deserve.
About Nadia Khalil
Through her books, online courses, and podcast, Nadia Khalil takes your soul on a journey of self-discovery that will ultimately lead you to live in a place of utmost truth, love, and purity. Nadia has written three books, “Origins of Truth,” “Original Love,” and “Little Wing.” She hosts the “I Dig Your Soul Podcast” and offers insightful online courses, including a free self improvement course. Nadia is recognized as a renowned international speaker and believes no soul is to be left behind. She is dedicated to helping you bring more joy, passion, and purpose back into your life. Visit Nadia’s website to take her Free Self-Discovery Masterclass or sign up for her Self Love Inner Quest Online Course.
Learn more about Nadia and sign up for her online courses at Nadiakhalil.com
Comparative suffering works both ways. It’s when a friend tells you about the awful thing that just happened to them and you manage to minimize it by either thinking or saying it’s not as bad as what happened to you. It’s also when you beat yourself up for thinking you have it rough right now when there are so many other people going through much worse. It’s judging and ranking pain—and it’s a losing game.
Keep Your Struggles in Perspective
Even when certain aspects of life seem to be crumbling down around you, you can rest in the knowledge that you will, in fact, get through it. You may have a renewed sense of hope, even if life never goes back to the way it was “before”—and sometimes that’s a good thing. There’s not a straight trajectory to get from point A to point B. Seeking outside help from a mental health professional, lifestyle coach, or even confiding in friends or sharing your voice through blogging may help.
Own Your Feelings
Yes, things can always be worse for you and others do go through worse. But that doesn’t mean your feelings are invalid. Feeling bad about feeling bad doesn’t do you—or anyone else for that matter—any good. When we invalidate our own suffering, we are saying our pain isn’t as important. This causes shame, which causes more suffering. Instead, hold space for your feelings and express them. Let yourself grieve and feel losses. Give a voice to it, otherwise it will become too overwhelming. Visit a personal growth platform and learn what others have to say. Accept and be open to help.
Let Others Express Themselves Too
If you have the ability to let yourself feel and express your pain, which is the goal, you can also have grace for others who are struggling even if you don’t understand what they are experiencing. You can give empathy to others by listening and not judging. There’s plenty of empathy and compassion to go around, and you don’t need to limit it. Create that inner dialogue. We all need to be kinder to ourselves and others in the process. After all, no two journeys are ever the same.
Nobody comes out on top when they engage in the game of comparative suffering. You don’t want to feel like you’re the one suffering the most, because it can make you shut yourself off or make you bitter. It also may anger you that other people, who in your eyes, are suffering less, voice their suffering.
That said, you also don’t have to pretend that you aren’t having struggles, but it also never hurts to count your blessings as well. Because you likely, deep inside, do know how much you have to be thankful for, though we could all use reminders sometimes. Instead, hold space for all—including yourself—and have the grace to look inside and seek the guidance you deserve.
About Nadia Khalil
Through her books, online courses, and podcast, Nadia Khalil takes your soul on a journey of self-discovery that will ultimately lead you to live in a place of utmost truth, love, and purity. Nadia has written three books, “Origins of Truth,” “Original Love,” and “Little Wing.” She hosts the “I Dig Your Soul Podcast” and offers insightful online courses, including a free self improvement course. Nadia is recognized as a renowned international speaker and believes no soul is to be left behind. She is dedicated to helping you bring more joy, passion, and purpose back into your life. Visit Nadia’s website to take her Free Self-Discovery Masterclass or sign up for her Self Love Inner Quest Online Course.
Learn more about Nadia and sign up for her online courses at Nadiakhalil.com
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